We waver in our need, especially now (Hexagram 30, INTERDEPENDENCE)

 

 

 

Nothing important about us and our success as a species can be understood except by looking at our interdependencies...Human beings are ambivalent about [our] interdependence. To need others is to be vulnerable; when we’re under threat, vulnerability elicits fear.

~ Kevin Patterson, MD, "Anatomy of a Pandemic"

 

~ Kevin is an ICU critical care physician in Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada. He wrote "Anatomy of a Pandemic" in the early spring of 2020, when the novel coronavirus was in its first wave. He weaves a brief history of epidemics into his narrative about this latest surge of novel disease. He also reminds us of how interwoven we all are with one another...

...which puts me in mind of where the 30th hexagram/principle of INTERDEPENDENCE sits in sequence between 29, DANGER, and 31, ATTRACTION. We humans need one another; we're wired to bond; we thrive or wither depending on how deep, steady, and safe our relations are with our fellow humans (and other beings). We're also in a constant state of flux in those relations: how safe do we feel? How much can we depend on other people, and how much can they depend on us? How balanced are we between the poles of hyper-independence and symbiotic dependence? Do we realize that all relations are interbound and genuinely symbiotic at the core...that our essential rhythms and functions -- from circadian rhythms to heartbeats to neural serenity to nervous system equilibrium -- depend on how connected, and how safely connected, we are with one another?

Now, as I write this post in the 13th month of relative isolation due to the ravages of COVID-19, our interdependence has never been more clear. We are all contact- and skin-hungry to varying degrees; we are more or less yearning for the norms of social contact and fluidity that we once took for granted. Some of us are hermiting; some are busting out of suggestions, rules, and regulations that stipulate staying at home, not gathering in groups, and wearing masks whenever we're with other people. We crave and yearn for a return to normal...and "normal" might be gone. We don't know how long we'll be in this chaotic flux that has the ground shifting constantly under our existential feet.

We're scared, and we miss those we know as dearest who are no longer nearest...except for the ones we live with. Some of us are truly alone right now. We're laying hands against windows, palming glass with other hands, to simulate touch. We're Zooming, phoning, FaceTiming, Skyping, letter-writing. We're told to stay six feet away from one another, and as one of my friends wryly (and sadly) commented, "Six feet apart is reminding me of six feet under." 

Our hearts strain to connect in the one way that is most natural for us: through touch. Hugs, kisses, strokes, bunts; arms thrown over shoulders and slung around waists, foreheads nuzzling foreheads; cuddles, spoons and snuggles; mingled breaths in bed, legs casually laced together on a couch. Hands holding hands. Palms cupping cheeks. 

How do we stay in touch when our primary way of being in touch is...touch? There's our interdependence, and our present predicament, in a nutshell.

So we live and move and have our being, between those poles of fear and attraction, centered in our inevitable, innate, biological  interdependence.  

 

🎨 Art: 

Ambivalent heart image by Yousef 

"One day" by Charlie Mackesy